“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.”

Friday, February 5, 2010

INSECURITY IN WOMEN

As a Makeup Artist in this Industry, I see a lot of "Insecurity in Women." It makes me sad and angry at times. It can be very frustrating as a Makeup Artist. The challenges of my job can be tough enough and when you get a beautiful actress in your chair, you cant help but wonder... "Why is she so insecure?" I am writing this Blog to give a holler out to all you women out there. Listen up!!! What you see in a magazines, what you hear through the grapevine, what you read in the tabloids, none of it is true! The pictures you see of these women you want so bad to be, they are no different than you and I. In fact, the pressure is on for these women and they have it very rough. Makeup is a savoir to all of us at times, but it doesn't hide everything. Women in magazines are airbrushed and painted. These women look like you and me when they come into the trailer in the morning. Hollywood is a tough town and these women behind the camera are challenged everyday by the next young thing to come along. For some reason we are led to believe that a wrinkle, a birthmark, an imperfection of any kind is obsolete and I'm here to tell you that their not! Whomever started this holy mission on perfect women should pay dearly, for it has caused a long line of unneeded surgeries and breast implants. Women need to fight back, be strong. love themselves and accept who they are. You are beautiful, different, and one of a kind. This sets you apart and makes you special. You don't need to alter yourself to please anyone. I often get the chance to chat with many of my Actors/Actresses outside of work and I find it interesting when I constantly ask the men what they think of women who destroy the nature of there own beauty in or out of the biz. Why do they continue to keep distorting themselves in order to feel better and look better I ask(or so they think)? It never ceases to amaze me when I get the same answer from every man in or out of the chair. "I hate it when women look like that!" and "I don't know why they do it!" So let's be fair for a moment and say, sure some men can't tell if there is a small tuck here or there, or so much as keep themselves from staring at a firm boob job, however; if you ask most men, they will tell you they prefer miss el natural. Lets face it, they certainly don't want to take home the opposite one to mother. It's frightening looking at these women. They no longer have an appearance of themselves, they have a distorted unnatural 20 year old in a 60 year old body. While surgery is a great thing to have in this day and age, we have unfortunately taken it far too lightly and for granted. Surgery today comes far too easy to reach and desperate women call upon a quick fix. Much like a drug, that's unfortunately what it turns out to be, a quick fix and done by malpracticed hands. "IT'S YOUR FACE LADIES.!" It can't be hidden by a piece of clothing. Do your research if you want a little help and don't get addicted, and don't overdo it. We all have the need and want to feel better about ourselves and those with scars or defecating problems also deserve to have these options. But, we all just need to stop abusing them. We are not setting good examples for the next generation. My actresses are constantly putting themselves on diets, or visiting a facialist, being groomed, etc. all for the sake of the next job. They are all constantly fearful they won't work again. This is the Hollywood scare that comes with the job. Men on the other hand are much different in this industry. It seems that the older men get, the more sexy they seem to become in Hollywood. What's sad is while I admire and look at these women I work on everyday, I find them all pretty perfect and beautiful. What's worse is most of them don't find it in themselves to be true. What's even more sad is even when they are made up and perfectly set for the camera, they are still being airbrushed and lensed to death. Their images are then sent to the retouching artist and every line, imperfection, cellulite, or whatever she may have is erased. Why??? What's wrong with that??? Once the pictures are released for a print, it doesn't even so much as look like them. It's awful and damaging to these women's self esteem. This is where the insecurities begin. Most people think actresses and models have it so good. "Being beautiful is the hardest job in the world!" Below I have pasted a few words from Charlize Theron, one of my favorite actresses whom also is very beautiful. I believe she is a rare seed and a very wise soul. I wanted to share some of her words with you. I have always thought them to be very valuable for women. They have always stuck with me...
CHARLIZE...
QUOTE: I grew up idolizing beautiful girls. I'd think, "What would it be like to look like that?" Now that I'm older, I realize that would be the most boring thing in the world.

QUOTE: What most people don't realize is that no matter how others see you, you have to wake up to yourself every morning. I really love myself. I'm comfortable in my skin. But there are some mornings when I look in the mirror and go, "Not so good." Then other times when I get my hair and makeup done, I stand at the mirror and go, "I like it. It's hot." I think all women do that.

OPRAH: You fit into the pretty girl box.

Charlize: It's not a fun box to be in.

QUOTE: "Women are under so much pressure! I'm not surprised we all become part of this beauty race."

QUOTE: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO ERASE THE LINES IN YOUR FACE. EACH LINE REPRESENTS A MEMORY. YOUR FACE IS A ROADMAP OF YOUR LIFE. IT TELLS A STORY.

QUOTE: "You get wrinkles, you get old. Your boobs sag - There are only two things we know for sure in life - we're going to age and die. What are we going to do about that? Some people have Botox, that's great. Hopefully I'll be okay with not getting Botox, who knows”
QUOTE: “I have a ton of flaws.

WENDI: SO LADIES, YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE AND ONE CHANCE WITH WHAT YOU'VE GOT. TIME IS GOLDEN AND SO ARE YOU. SO LIVE IT, LOVE IT, AND ENJOY BEING YOU!!! ;)

27 comments:

  1. Thanks so much wendi for that post. Like every women out there, I too have issues with how I look and everything. This, coming from you, makes me feel so much better about myself.

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  2. Dear Wendi, you are amazing. One of the best women I've had the pleasure to meet through Twitter. I have issues with my body but it's like Charize said: Some days you wake up feeling awesome, some days you think "not so good" but if you don't feel good about yourself, it doesn't matter how you look on the outside. Thank you for this amazing words, you have raised my self-steem a little bit. From today on, I love myself 20% more thanks to you.

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  3. I totally agree with you Wendi. I live in france and i don't know what happen to hollywood exactly.
    But hollywood is a place with lots of medias, and press like that... what a shame!
    I love to see more skin than make-up and to make people look their best, in a natural way. I also like life marks :)

    Thanks for posting this...

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  4. Thank you sooooooo much Wendi for this wonderful words of advice. I believe that we all have our good days and our bad days but we often forget that movie stars/ clebrities(especially females) also go thru this..... and i am really touched for your amazing words.... I am really happy and glad that i have had the chance to cross paths with you in twitter:)
    Much love :)
    vila21

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  5. Wendi thank you so much for this wonderful Blog! You are a great women and I agree with you.

    Love & hugs

    Martine

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  6. I wish I could be beautiful for a week, just to see what it's really like out there. Actors do have it tough, as it's their livelihood they worry about. But are we not the greatest sinners against our sisters? We admire, praise, imitate, and see only the surface. As a makeup artist, you see the bare and the adorned. Some "need" more touching up than others, and who is the most grateful for your art? I work with a gal who is what I call a natural beauty. Not gorgeous, but attractive with little adornment. If she bothered, she'd be beautiful, but she chooses her naturalness and is pretty outside, as well as in.

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  7. Thanks, Wendi, it's really good to hear this from 'inside' the beauty industry.

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  8. I am 34 and dont care what people think of me. Im overweight and have spent years hiding away from people and missing out on events rather than be made to feel a freak by slimmer cuter girls.
    Two years ago I met (and then married)a wonderful man who loves me for me and has taught me I aint no freak coz I dont fit the medias idea of a woman.
    Now I am more confident and dont give two hoots what people 'think' of me.
    Beauty fades in time b rains and sassyness stays!

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  9. Women can be their own worst enemies, and the media, with their airbrushed, perfect fake images does not help.

    I've had to deal with that myself. I spent three weeks one summer with an aunt who was determined to 'make a lady' out of me. Her idea of 'lady' involved uncomfortable clothes, shoes, and tons of painful and expensive, time consuming grooming. Worse, she wanted me to basically hide my intellect under a bushel and act 'dumb', because apparently men are afraid or emasuclated by intelligent women. Oh, yes- she firmly believed that women were only 'whole' if they had a man.

    Sigh...

    Happily, it didn't take. Still, I had to suffer 13 years of semi-starvation because the USAF had weight standards that were way below reality. I gained a lot of weight after I got out, and suffered food-related problems that I have only recently managed to conquer using cognitive techniques and gentle exercise.

    I hate diets to this day.

    Wendi, keep talking about this. You keep writing, I'll keep spreading the word. I refuse to conform to an artificial standard of beauty- and I refuse to let the culture dictate to me what I should or should not be appearance-wise. It's sad that it took me until mid-life to realize this, but at least I have. We must break this cultural stranglehold over our lives and our looks. We have better things to do than to worry, fret, and spend our money and energy on it.

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  10. This was a wonderful post. I must say I'm kind of surprised that some of these amazingly gorgeous actresses have such low self-esteem about their own bodies and faces and beauty. I person do have fairly low self esteem about myself - I need to lose some weight, need to get rid of my acne, need to find a way to make my hair look prettier most of the time - but in general I try not to worry about that stuff too much, and every once in a while I do look in the mirror and smile because my hair really does look pretty and perfect for once and stuff like that lol. ;)

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  11. Wendi, thank you for creating this very relevant blog. I certainly intend to soak in all of the insights you share and help spread the word about this inspirational blog.


    I look forward to your future posts!

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  12. Great post. Points up the idiocy that is rampant in some industries right now.

    I have a question for you: Who decides how makeup is done for a show like Heroes? I'm thinking the orders come down from up top but I have no idea. Just curious. Thanks.

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  13. Wendi, clearly you are beautiful inside and out. Thank you for posting this, and I'm so glad to have had the good fortune to read it.

    I feel like there's so much pressure on women to be successful and beautiful, and if we don't quite hit perfection in all areas, we're judged pretty harshly, sometimes to the point of degrading, overly personal comments. As women, we need to quit buying into this and save our energy for the things that truly matter.

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  14. Wendi - I couldn't thank you enough for this post! It's so tough in this industry - and I'm not even in LA yet and STILL feel the pressure! I know I need to drop 20 lbs in order to be more competitive as the "type" I am. I've been told to consider a "hair color" change to compete a bit better as my type...well, maybe. Then there is getting your teeth bleached, covering up freckles, shopping for trendier clothes and all for what? For someone to still potentially not like you? It's so hard! When one knows that this is the ONLY thing they are meant to do - why does the industry make it that much more difficult to do? No one is perfect. No one. I applaud those that can get in front of the camera (Jamie Lee Curtis comes to mind) and WANT to show the world what a REAL actress looks like - without the makeup, airbrushing, plastic surgery, etc.

    I can't wait to read more of your blog... keep posting links on Twitter. I'll be here to follow you and perhaps one day, I'll be sitting in your makeup chair with a bit more self-confidence because of what you have written.

    Thank you.
    Andrea

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  15. Thank you Wendi for this.

    I really thank you from the bottom of my heart for these words and the experience you bring here.
    I think a lot of women are so concerned about how they look to others that they don't realize how beautiful they are. Both on the inside and on the outside.

    i've seen and read things about beauty products that creeped be beyond any limit, like beauty products for female genitals to make them look younger and pinker! That is just terrifying.

    If only women started appreciating how they look like and understand that perfection is artificial and something impossible to reach. PErfction is how we are, because we are perfect human beings just like that!

    Thank you Wendi, keep speaking these words, and the world could be a better place.

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  16. Hi Wendi, my first comment (@#4) was the first reaction I had at the time, but I have just come home from town, where I saw something that set me thinking.

    I walked past a shoe shop and on the table outside were some very nice looking shoes; 5 inch heels, 1.5in platform on the toe, snakeskin slingbacks (like American pumps but with the heel area cut out). I loved the material & the style, but not the heel height or the platform on the toe.

    Why?? Well, when I see actresses/singers wearing this style of shoe on the red carpet at premieres, gallery openings, fundraising events, award shows etc, etc, I get annoyed. I get annoyed because I see them tottering long with their weight focused totally on the ball of the foot & their toes are scrunched into the small toe box and scrunched further forward as they walk.

    The way the actresses/singers walk, or try to walk, along reminds me of the ancient Chinese practise of foot binding, where, at the age of 2 years old, a girl of noble birth had her feet bound in bandages until she was full grown. The meant that she had to totter along with help from 1 or 2 handmaidens. All because "someone" decided/decreed that this style of walking made the girl look more feminine.

    To me, it is sad that women in the entertainment industry have to be seen as fashionable i.e. wearing the latest styles in clothes, shoes etc to be considered important.

    I dont know who sets these 'trends' or mandates as to what is stylish or fashionable, but sometimes - as with these 5in heels platform shoes - it is a trend that could not be followed by a woman, or women, how are comfortable with themselves.

    If I had the opportunity to have a 1 on 1 with a stylist to have some input as to what looks good on me, I would take it, but if their choice of clothes - style/colour/hemlength - didnt feel comfrotable with me - I would not wear it.

    Marian

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  17. OOps - para 6 "how are comfortable with themselves." should read "who are comfortable with themselves."

    Apologies

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  18. i'm insecure with myself, too ...i doesn't like anythink at me .. but i like who i am!
    ..it's hard for a woman to be satisfied with themselves..
    and for actresses it's harder then for "normal" womens, because every paparazzi want make a bad looking picture of them ...
    i'm glad that i'm not must be "beatiful" for my job or friends.

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  19. I totally agree with you Wendi, women are very insecure and hypercritical of themselves... but men aren't immune to this type of thing either. There are young boys that are obsessed with being bigger, more muscular. Just like Barbie is a bad example for young girls, GI Joe, with his impossibly large arms and pecs, is a bad example for boys...

    I just feel like the men are often left out when it comes to things like negative body image, when really, they're affected as well.

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  20. Thanks Wendi. You have a unique place, in that you see actresses before they have any makeup on, first thing in the morning. It's the same exact thing in the music industry, too -- any dood with a band can become famous and it doesn't matter so much what they look like, but take a look at every single female music star -- they are all unfailingly hot.

    My husband and I were just looking at an article on a news site that was "top ten worst airbrushing crimes." And I'm torn, mentally, at all that for myself. Do I want to try and reach at least some kind of attractiveness? Sure, of course, who doesn't. I'm basically happy with my body, but then I've worked to get where I am, too. However, as happy as I am, I still look in the mirror and hate on myself. The intellectual part of my brain says that it's simply human nature -- wanting to strive for an ideal -- and it should be ignored. The emotional part sees only the flaws and wants to strive for the impossible that can never be reached, and feels judged by others constantly, even if it's imaginary.

    I wish the airbrushing and photo alteration could be made illegal. Women are dying because of this, and have been for decades. I was in high school when Karen Carpenter died of anorexia because some critic said she was "chubby" years before when she was anything but. We're held to an impossible ideal by friends, collegues and even family sometimes.

    Thanks for your blog post, your viewpoint was refreshing, and I hope more people listen.

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  21. Thank you for writing this. I have long thought that the growing market for 'bad' photographs of celebrities in which some poor star is mocked for having human flaws harms not only the unfortunate celebrity but us all. I don't think it's comforting to see these people gleefully taunted for having the same flaws as mere mortals - it just makes it clear how crazy the standards are for women (and increasingly men) in the first place. And I bet I'm not the only one who wonders grimly what the magazine would say about MY photo if that's the vitriol that such stunningly beautiful famous faces are subjected to. Judging the celebrities like this is vile - it is teaching us all to look at each other and, rather than being open to the potential beauty we see in our fellow men and women to scan them eagerly for flaws.

    So yes, I agree with everything you've written. I'm very, very glad that your actresses have you to lend them such kindly, supporting words during what must be a frequently hostile environment of intense scrutiny. Sadly, at the moment I get the feeling that it may be a rather rare voice of reason but I'm thankful they have it.

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  22. Hey Wendi!!!
    Great blog. I can't agree more. Actresses and models are some of the most insecure people out there. One example I often remember is when we saw the movie "The Women". You know the new remake. Candice Bergen look so much more beautiful then all the other women in the movie that where half her age. Maybe she has had some work done over the years but nothing like Meg Ryan and Annette Benning. They looked horrible. I think all this face surgery and fake teeth will case a big turn around. Everyone will begin to look alike and uniqueness will be celebrated again. Also another good reason not to do these elective surgeries that is the health insurance ramifications. Most don't know that later in left you can be charged more by your health insurance due to having certain surgeries. Or the damage your doing to healthy tissue or teeth???

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  23. Hi Wendi,

    You are so right, and I totally agree!

    Just be happy with who you are!!
    Everyone has his or her insecurity's but just remember:
    We're all unique in our own way!!!

    Keep up the good work Wendi!
    Love,
    Djen

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  24. I want to be as confident as Helen Mirren when I'm older. I have 20 more years to go ;)

    it wasn't so much about her red bikini and how great she looked in it... it was about her confidence and how healthy she looked.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/features/3637338/Could-Helen-Mirrens-bikini-start-a-revolution.html

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  25. thanks for this blog you have no IDEA how often I wish I could look like this or that person on tv or Taylor Swift cos she is so pretty but I am trying VERY hard to clamp onto this blogs words and take them in for myself

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  26. Thanks Wendy :D

    I'm noticing it to even as a training makeup artist :( My models for class are always "am I pretty enough?" And it's sad, I think everyone is pretty, I wish they all did to.

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